Valentina: A Crazy Sicilian

I was vacationing in Palermo, Sicily alone. I knew no one, I didn't know where to go or what to do. When coming to a new city for the first time I like to walk around and simply feel out the vibe, talk to bartenders and ask them where they like to go, what they recommend.

I was walking around Palermo and downloaded Tinder. I matched with this incredibly sexy, vividly slutty Sicilian girl. Almost all of her pictures were of her stretching out a loose tank-top to the point where you could almost see her nipple.

We start talking. Her English seemed good. She was telling me she loves going on dates with men from other countries, particularly Americans. It seemed obvious she was looking for a sugar daddy or an excuse to get a green card, but I didn't care. I was there for 3 days and just wanted to fuck an Italian girl. I didn't care about her long-term aspirations.

We make plans to meet up around 9pm in a plaza near my Airbnb. I get there and I'm waiting, waiting. At least 20 minutes. I'm getting frustrated. I tell her she has 5 minutes to show up or I'm going home. 3 minutes later a car arrives with a girl calling my name out of the window, but it wasn't her. I go to the window and she tells me she’s Valentina's friend and to get in.

I had no idea what was going on, but whatever, I get in the car. She proceeds to tell me that Valentina is crazy. Valentina likes to go on dates with foreigners and that right now she’s on a date with another American, but clues me in that he showed up hammered and she wasn't into him. She tells me she thinks she will like me more and to show up anyway. I had nothing else going on and Valentina looked sexy as fuck, so whatever, I did. She drives me 10 minutes away to where Valentina and her date were.

I see her with this guy who was ex-military. He was absolutely sloshed. Slurring his words, being loud, just a mess. I show up completely sober in a leather jacket, jeans and boots and am looking good. I was well-rested. I was horny and confident that this guy had nothing on me. We lock eyes and almost immediately she walks towards me and locks arms with me. The ex-miliary guy is standing there visibly annoyed.

She spoke, and I say this with no exaggeration, zero fucking English. Nothing. She didn't know anything more than "Hi." This girl was an extremely voluptuous, sexy retard. I didn't care. I download an app where I could voice translate with her and we're talking to each other through this app. But the app meant nothing. The eye contact was extreme and intense. We wanted to rip each other's clothes off.