How To Become a Better Poster

An ode to The Art of Posting in the “Elon, Pick-Me!” Timeline

Slop comes in many forms. You can post a TikTok of an insane person being insane, say “The west has fallen”, then watch the quote tweets roll in. Indians can post “Top 10 Ways To Seduce Woman” threads and it will probably end up on your For You page. You can say The Same Thing That’s Been Said 10,000 Times then gobble up a bunch cheap likes. You won’t gain new followers.

Slop comes in waves. When there’s not much going on, you know The Slop Timeline is right around the corner. ‘Sensitive Young Man’, Age Gap Discourse, Gio Scotti, Psychoanalyses Of Hated Posters. They’re all symptoms of Nothing Happening. I logged in briefly yesterday to see if I’m missing anything — it’s all Wifejak slop. There’s just not much going on right now.

The timeline isn’t always a Slopfest. When Daniel Penny was arrested, the Reddit stories didn’t get much engagement. The week of Trump’s victory was the most fun timeline in years. It was funny and celebratory. There was no room for slop. But it didn’t take long to deteriorate. The transition between two Presidents is like the strange week between Christmas and New Years. There’s just not much going on. I suspect the timeline will be mostly a slopfest until Trump’s inauguration day, hence why I’m taking a break.

The most you can do until then is keep a tight following list, aggressively mute slop posters, post from the heart, and have fun.

The “Elon, Pick Me!” Timeline

I can’t help but notice the timeline has become less rated R and more PG-13 since Elon bought the platform. You would think it’d be the opposite now that Freedom of Speech is back — but since large conservative accounts started posting their 5-figure X payouts, the timeline has become ‘safer.’ And this makes sense. Who doesn’t want an extra $10K+/month simply for posting? There’s a path to getting there — you need to post in a way that attracts reposts and replies from posters close to Elon, which might get reposted by posters closer to Elon, or even Elon himself. Which means you can be edgy — but not too edgy. I suspect many posters now ask themselves WWEL (What Would Elon Like?) before they hit the Post button. This degrades the quality of the timeline.

This isn’t a jab at posters who get fat payouts from X. Many of them are indeed great and authentic posters. But the sterilization of the timeline since the new payment model was released is pretty obvious.

What is a Good Poster?

Similar to Slop, you know a Good Poster when you see one. Some people are born with The Poster’s Spirit — they’re disagreeable, funny, passionate, authentic, and think for themselves. Based on personality traits alone, some of us were Born To Post.

I’ve met a lot of Good Posters. Most of them have social lives outside of their group chats and have interesting and important things going on outside of their accounts. The opinions of strangers don’t mean that much to them. They don’t take themselves too seriously.

Some say “you’ve either got it or you don’t” when it comes to posting, but that isn’t necessarily true. “You can always be funnier, Post Better.” The timeline doesn’t need to be a slopfest. The goal is to become your own favorite account by any means necessary or followers lost.

In this post I’m going to offer some tips I’ve learned along the way that makes for a Good Post.